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Oh Consistency, Thou Art a Fickle Bitch

I love me a good self development book. Just having it on my shelf with an un-cracked spine makes me feel like I am more accomplished, as if my soul is richer by its mere presence. But there is one thing I have found in basically all the books I have read that brings me to a screeching halt, puts ice in my veins and shame in my tummy. There comes a point in the book where the importance of CONSISTENCY is brought into sharp relief. With sentences such as, ‘The only way to be consistent is to be consistent’ (Gee thanks) or ‘Nothing worthwhile in this life is achieved without the small daily habits that are performed with consistency’ or ‘Oi! There is no reason on this earth you cannot be consistent and if you think there is a reason, what you have is an excuse, you feeble, lazy, poor imitation of a blob fish.’

If there is one thing I have learned over my 36 years on this planet about consistency, is that for me – it’s not that consistent.

So, today I’m going to delve a little deeper. Take a swan dive into the murky depths of my psyche to figure out why in the hell the only thing that I’m any good at being consistent for, is inconsistency. My hope is that by unearthing some of this for me, it will help you, my gentle reader.

Great Starter Energy.

What I am excellent at is chasing the shiny penny. My starting energy is obnoxiously high. To the point where if I have an idea – say to paint a canvas, I don’t care if it is 3am and I don’t have a canvas, I will find a way to cobble a frame (maybe out of an old shelving unit) and tear up a bedsheet and make me a damn canvas. Of course, by this time it is probably 6am and I’m exhausted and so I sleep. When I wake I will see that canvas and think, ‘That won’t hold the paint the way I want it too, I’ll pop into town and buy a canvas’ which I will promptly do before I have even attempted to make myself, in any way, presentable to the outside world and buy not one but 12 canvases (because I’m going to need them – I’m overflowing with the muse) Then three months later all those canvases will still be in the place I dropped them when I got home, the DIY one mocking me every time I pass it.

Now of course this speaks to my EID impulsivity, EID (Emotional Intensity Disorder) formally known as EUPD (Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder), formally, formally known as BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) formally, formally, formally known as ‘The Artist formally known as Prince’. It’s a bitch for impulsivity and it physically hurts me to not follow through on an impulse. I mean, I get chest pains and a tension headache, so it’s not a simple task to ignore the impulse. Essentially, I will burn myself at both ends and in the middle when I begin a project until I hit the next impulse or collapse in a pool of my own wax.

I’m Not Lazy, I’m Not Well

Ask any quote on success and they’ll all tell you (with their stunning but irrelevant back drops) if you want to be successful, or a worthwhile human even, you must be consistent. Anything less is just laziness. Which is great, thanks for that – I’ll just go over into my bad human lazy corner and slowly rot away, shall I? Reading or hearing these things is particularly upsetting for me because deep down I worry they are right. How can I amount to anything with days and weeks at a time missed because of my mental illnesses? Seriously, take this blog, for example, the reason I wrote it, hell, the reason I started the whole ‘Mastress’ thing was because I wanted to help people but if I can’t keep consistent, will people even see it? It’s a genuine trigger point for my anxiety.

Other than when I’m having bad days, the reason I find consistency so challenging is during my formative years I grew up in a neglectful (on a good day) and abusive household. They did not put us on any kind of schedule other than to be afraid and alert. To this day, because I grew up in survival mode, I forget to do most things people are doing by the time they are five, or example, brush my teeth, my face, my hair, eat, take medications – the list goes on. This was also, of course, the birth of my CPTSD.

So if I can’t remember to put on deodorant, I’m not hopeful that I can consistently carry out more complex tasks. Trauma is fun that way. The victim keeps paying the bill in new and surprising ways, while the perpetrator usually just goes on. But, and here is the important thing, if you can relate to any of this…

“It doesn’t make us lazy, it simply means we were brought up in survival mode and anything that didn’t keep us safe was not essential and as we navigate the landscape as an adult it is going to look very different to that of those who had a more stable upbringing.”

Great Advice (For Those it Applies Too)

I read a quote recently that said something like, the only thing separating unsuccessful and successful people is that successful people do the work despite their mood. I mean, I know they are not directly talking to me, but it’s hard to not take this personally…

For me, it takes an extraordinary effort to get to the place most people start their day. I wake up confused, often exhausted after another night of insomnia kicking my butt and even if I remember to remember to check the lists, notes and alarms, I set myself to make my life a little smoother sailing, It can still be an uphill battle to move from one spot to the next. And, I should state those are my baseline days. When I am suffering from full, raging depression, it’s near impossible for me to function at all.

“Recovery isn’t a destination, it’s a constant and evolving state of being.“

My brain won’t one day suddenly be fixed and, while there is merit in doing the thing even when you don’t want to, for some people – like me, for example, it can be a dangerous and often slippery slope.

I have to do the opposite, I have to honour my mood so that I don’t go back into the hole I just managed to claw myself out of (for the 100th time) but again, it can feel so disheartening to basically hear, “You can’t succeed” every time you read a quote.

So what to do?

Do I simply accept that, for me, there isn’t a path?

Do I adjust my personal definition of success to be more ‘realistic’ with my ‘limitations’?

Do I give up entirely and lean into a life of unfulfilled desires and dreams?

No.

No, I refuse to do any of those things.

Forging My Path

Here is what I’m going to do instead because, quite frankly,

“Fuck running my life on other people’s prettily packaged, neuro-typical quotes.“

I’m going to find a path and goddamn it, if there isn’t one I’ll learn how to make tarmac and make my own. And with each step I’m going to leave a sign post for everyone else that feels like me, has the same struggles and doubts, all those that the world has written off because they don’t fit a rigid binary system of thinking and living. And that sign post will state boldly ‘There is a way, this is the way’ and in smaller writing it will also say – if this path isn’t right for you now, that’s ok, here are the tools to make your own beautiful path. It’s not easy but you can take as many breaks, u-turns and do-overs as you like – it’s your path after all. I may not know you, but I know this; you have survived every day of your life dealing with the things most people only have nightmares about. You can do this.

So in conclusion, the idea that consistency has to be day in day out and the acolytes of it can kiss my perfectly formed, milky white arse. Because I may not be able to fulfill that criteria, but I am still here and there were many times in my journey that should have killed me, but they didn’t.

The only thing I have to worry about being consistent on is getting up again, getting out of the hole again – now matter how much time I spend down there and I have a lifetime of proof that says I can and I will and if you are reading this, so do you.

Until next time,

You got this x

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No Excuses. You matter.

Don’t you be rolling your eyes at me queen…

I don’t care what your excuses are, how bad you may or may not have fucked up, or what horrendous shit has happened in your life.

You Matter.

I don’t care if you believe that deep down you are a teeming black ball of Venom type shit.

You Matter.

I don’t care if you think that you deserved it or it probably wasn’t what you are thinking and you should have done or said something.

You Matter.

I don’t care if all of this is going over your head right now and you are assuming that I can’t possibly be talking about you, because you are the only one who truly knows what you are and what you have done and if anyone else found out they would run for the fucking hills quicker than the roadrunner escaping the questionable skills of the Wiley Coyote.

I never used to think I mattered and not just in a casual, ‘Laissez faire, I haven’t given it much thought’ way. Oh no – I ‘d given it thought, all the shitting thought, actually. And I’d come to the hard and fast conclusion that deep down, truly, I meant nothing. Zero value.

“But why would you think such a thing?” I hear you cry. Well, mate, I’mma tell you as for why – it was a core belief.

What’s a ‘Core Belief’ when it’s at home?!

Core beliefs are basically like your personality blueprint or the foundation on which you build your life, they are often subconscious and deeply rooted. They colour everything in your life – your ideas about yourself, your friends, family, life, the world, that weird guy Al that lives down the road… you name it. Everything is seen through the eyes of your core beliefs.

You could be chilling with your bezzy down by the river when a Mallard swims by (as Mallard’s are want to do) and your friend looks at Malcolm the Mallard and thinks to herself, “I love how the sunlight dances off of Malcolm’s glorious green head and makes him look like an emperor, bejeweled in a crown emerald.” But you – who is looking AT THE EXACT SAME DUCK – might think, “Oh for fuck sake, that shifty git Malcolm’s back. I hate that leery prick – always giving me the side eye.”

The result being your friend sits calmly with a zen like peace and a gentle smile on her face, while you stand up and shout, “WHAT’S YOUR ANGLE YOU WEBBED FOOTED BREADY PERV!” while throwing half a Ploughman’s at poor Malcolm, who, lets be honest, doesn’t have an angle because, well… because Malcolm’s a duck.

Harmful core beliefs lead to negative thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, whereas rational core beliefs lead to balanced reactions.
– TherapistAid

Key Facts About Core Beliefs

You are not born with a pre-made set of Core belief’s, they are learnt.
Core beliefs will feel incredibly true but that doesn’t mean they are.
They tend to develop during formative times, so early childhood for example or trauma inducing life events at any age
If something goes against a Core belief your brain will normally dismiss it i.e. Your friend can tell you there is no such thing as the ‘Mallard Agenda’ til she’s blue in the face, you’re not gonna listen – especially since you’re sure you saw a book called ‘Malcolm’s Manifesto’ peeking out of a wing last week…
For the most part Core beliefs are firm and stay with you BUT the good news is, you can change them.

I’m not gonna sugar coat it, the reason so many people go through their lives with unfaltering Core belief’s is because they are pervasive and breaking into Christina Aguilera’s place, using a soggy fish finger for a lock pick while screaming, “You peaked with Genie in a Bottle!” without getting caught is about the same difficulty level as changing them. BUT IT CAN BE DONE -The Core belief thing, not the unwarrented and unlawful B&E on Queen Christina, who, frankly, hits a new peak every time she blinks.

I know it can be done, because I have done it. I’m proof.

So lets go back to the start shall we? You Matter. And if you are dismissing this out of hand, rolling your eyes or having any other visceral reaction – I’d like to remind you of this –

“Core beliefs will feel incredibly true but that doesn’t mean they are.”

Now ask yourself, wouldn’t you prefer to feel worthy? Because you are. You have worth. If that feels too much right now, or maybe selfish because Core beliefs don’t have to be rational to be true to you, then consider it from a different angle. Maybe for you it’s important to model self love for your kid, so they don’t develop similiar core beliefs about themselves, maybe you want to be able to look at the river without waiting for Malcolm to ruin everything again, or maybe you want to attract the right kind of people into your life. Whatever the reason if it gets you to challenge the negative Core belief that ‘You don’t matter’ then grab it with both hands and don’t let go.8

For me it was all of the above, well except the duck thing, honestly all my best friends are Mallards… I also had to believe it could get better after I hit rock bottom in a hospital bed after self harming so badly the doctors couldn’t believe I hadn’t caused permanent, life altering damage. And thus began my nine year (and counting) dance with recovery.

And with a shit tonne of therapy and them good head meds, plus a healthy sprinkling of support from a tight knit circle, I have gotten to a place where I can say, “You know what Linda?! That’s not going to work for me because I have a say in this AND I MATTER”

OK, maybe I wouldn’t say that out loud (at least not to Linda) but I have taken them Bambi steps into the sunshine of self worth. Well, I’m sitting under the canopy of a beautiful Oak and admiring the sun of self worth because I burn easily and I care enough about myself now to practice some self-care.

So, one more time for the people in the back.

And remember just because this work is up to you – it doesn’t mean you have to do it alone

Until next time,

Be kind to yourself – you’re worth it

P.S. If you want to learn more about Core beliefs and how you can begin the work to change them, I’ve popped some links below that might help:

Core Belief Info Sheet – Care in Hand

What Are Core Beliefs and How Do They Affect Your Health? – PsychCentral

A Blueprint for Believing You Are Enough – No Side Bar

Identifying and Challenging Core Beliefs: 12 Helpful Worksheets – Positive Psychology

*I AM IN NO WAY SPONSORED OR AFFILIATED WITH THESE COMPANIES, NOR HAVE I BEEN ASKED TO SHARE THEIR CONTENT – I SIMPLY FOUND THEM USEFUL AND HOPE YOU WILL TOO.

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Creativity for Creativity Sake

As far back as I can remember, I’ve always been creative. Whether it was wanting craft kits for Christmas, putting shows on in the living room or letting my imagination create a better place to live than the war of home.

But then, aren’t we all?

Really deep down isn’t everyone creative?

OK maybe not everyone is a Monet or a Zadie Smith and perhaps you can’t play guitar or execute a perfect triple axle but isn’t creativity more than that?

“If you’re alive, you’re a creative person“
Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic

Isn’t it about creating yourself, your life one decision at a time? Every choice you made today created your experience, some good, some bad and maybe even some miraculous. You create your reality one thought and choice at a time. Even if you were on auto-pilot, you chose that – no decision is a decision.

Just to be clear, I’m talking about choice not the lack of it, for example if you are a victim of a crime – that is not a choice, that is something that has happened to you.

But for the most part we are in charge of our daily choices, so to answer my own rhetorical question – Yes, everyone is creative. Good now that’s settled and we can all agree everyone is creative (yes even you) and I am correct we can get back to me… ;D

I have always leaned on creativity for survival and in the past two decades – oh god, I just realised its twenty years since I was sixteen and threw up in my mouth a little bit...

**Ok, looking back I think I’m good being 36…**

Anyway, in the past two decades (deep breaths Sam) I have desired to make my way in this world through art in one form or another, and yes I want to be compensated for that with cashy money BUT I do believe not everything I create needs to be for sale,. for example I’m pretty sure I’d have Child Protective Services hammering down my door if I attempted to list my son on Ebay. Some things aren’t good enough to sell, somethings are practice but most importantly somethings are for me.

So I thought it would be a fun idea to create a light hearted series on my blog where I share things I have made for the sake of making them. There entire purpose was to be made because it was fun, healing or relaxing for me. Most of them will be horrendous, a lot will be silly and some will make no sense even to me but I want to help promote the idea that creativity is it’s own reward

I’ll share and my hope is that over time you will join in and maybe encourage a mate to as well,. I’m not expecting you to share images (although I’d be a liar liar pants on fire if I said I wasn’t a little curious) but I’d love to hear the stories and how you felt.

As I say, there is zero shame in wanting to be compensated for your art when it is a product, I merely belong to the school of thought that not everything needs to be a product. After all once we make something a business or put a price tag on it, it stops being ours and ‘just because’ and we all need a little more ‘just because’ in our lives.

So, here it is, my first ‘just because’ share. This is a cuddly toy snake, one of his eyes was mercilessly chewed off by a dog, (that shall remain nameless for legal reasons) I sewed up the wound and then decided he needed something extra. Something that made him look… distinguished. Maybe even a little flamboyant, so he would feel incredible around his mates. And what says that more than a purple (the colour of royalty I’ll have you know) eye patch with a fanciful gold trim?

“You can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have.” Maya Angelou

The best part is because of this whimsical choice my son has now created an enire back story for the snake and is planning on giving him a few more scars to back up the fact that he is a bad ass soldier who fights for justice and has seen too many front lines… My act of creativity sparked another and isn’t that joyous?

Yes, yes it is.

Until next time,

Get creative just for the hell of it.

If you wanna share you can tell me about it in the comments or tag me on Instagram @mastressofnone so I can read all about your frivilous flirt with creation!

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Activated Authors Interview

This is just a short lil’ bonus post to say that I had the honour of being interviewed by Daniel Willcocks on the Activated Authors podcast earlier this year and the episode is now live!

We spoke all about recovery, mental health struggles, creativity as medicine and the UK North/South divide…

If you should be so inclined to bathe your ear holes with the podcast you can do so by listening here, or if you prefer to bathe your ear and eye holes,. you can jump on over to the YouTubes and watch the show here:

Until next time,

Keep on keeping on.

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Writers For Ukraine – The 1 Million Word Challenge

The following post is NOT SPONSORED but I wanted to share the Activated Authors charity drive in aid of Ukraine

As you know, there has been no secret made about the atrocities currently being undertaken on the European country of Ukraine. Since its unfounded invasion of Ukraine on Thursday 24^th February, things are steadily getting worse.

As a member of a European country we, at Activated Authors, have been watching events unfold with more anxiety than we’ve ever felt at global news. And, as writers, we’ve found that the last week our member writers have been unable to focus on work, wondering where the hell fiction writing fits into the grand scheme of things while so many Ukrainians are suffering, and Russia threatens the “Nuclear” button on a near-daily basis. It seems a strange ordeal to be concerned about character names and fictional worlds while increasingly more Ukrainian refugees are without a homeland.

This is why we decided to take some kind of action and to levy our platform in a way that could not only support Ukrainian refugees, but to also activate the independent writing community in a way that could make a real difference. So far we’ve already seen unity from The Alliance of Independent Authors, Mark Leslie Lefebvre, Jenna Moreci, J Thorn and Crys Cain from The Author Success Mastermind, Katlyn Duncan, Sarra Cannon from Heart Breathings, MiblArt (who have artists in Ukraine), The Writer’s Mindset, The Other Stories podcast, and I’m in the final confirming stages with more widely revered authors, podcasts, and organisations, and we’d be honoured to have you involved, should you wish.

Writers for Ukraine: The One Million Word Challenge

From Wed 9–Tues 15^th March, we’re running a global challenge for writers to hit a combined total of 1,000,000 words written (in 7 days), to raise a minimum of £10,000 for the Ukrainian crisis.

The process is simple: writers and authors of any level, genre, and experience can sign up for the challenge, make their donation, and get involved simply by heading over to www.activatedauthors.com/Ukraine. Total word counts from each author can be updated on the live word tracker sheet, with a tally totalling the overall amount as the challenge progresses.

All proceeds and profits will go directly to British-Ukrainian Aid, a charity with their feet on the ground, supporting those refugees who need it most, with donations made through our GoFundMe page.

What can YOU do?

We are calling on any and all support from writers, publishers, and creatives from all genres and backgrounds to get involved. No matter how big or small your contribution, it would be greatly appreciated.

Below I’ve listed a few ways that you can get involved to help have a real impact in these trying times.

Join the challenge: You can sign up and get involved over our 7-day challenge, adding your word count totals to our sheet to help us reach our 1 million. Just sign up HERE

Make a donation: Donate as much or as little as you can to our GoFundMe page and help us reach our target of £10,000. You can find our donation page HERE

Pledge your support: We’d love to make this a united effort from across the writing community. With your permission, we’d love to share your logo or artwork on our website and social media as a “Supported by” affiliate to show that you’re contributing to this worthwhile cause.

Spread the word: We’ve made it real easy to spread the word. By using #writersforukraine, we’ll be able to share and amplify the support from the community. We’ve also put together a small package of artwork that you can download and use on your platforms, for your convenience. Find a Google Drive folder HERE.

Put me in touch with authors and influencers who may be interested in finding out more.

I realise that the turnaround on this is fast, but it’s a rapidly evolving situation. It’s rare that we reach out to the wider writing community like this, but the time is now, and support is desperately needed

Once again, everything you need to know can be found at www.activatedauthors.com/ukraine

(On behalf of Daniel Willcocks, International Bestselling Author, Award-winning Podcaster, and Founder and Author Coach at Activated Authors)

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Perfection is the Enemy

So last year happened.

Apparently.

It both felt like 347 years and that it never existed, but now it is over and done, and by the mere fact that the earth revolves and we mark that with the label time, it is now 2022.

I find it strange that I am so affected by the fresh start, fresh slate mentality. And it isn’t just for the years but for months, weeks, and days. Nothing resets, no lines are actually drawn, a single millisecond stands between ‘then’ and ‘now’ and yet just like opening a fresh notepad, cracking the spine of a new book, or peeking at the yet to be touched convex pans of watercolour, it feels like a new start, filled with nothing but potential. There are some pros and cons to this mindset for me.

Pro: Every day feels like a new chance to get it right, to go for it, to step towards my goals, passions, and future.
Con: If I make a mistake or miss something out I was supposed to do in the day. it feels like a spelling error on a page, so obvious and ugly and no amount of Tipex will make it look right. It feels ruined and so I no longer care about that day because it can’t be perfect and I will often call it a ‘write-off’
Pro: When I start a new habit, goal or, skill I am filled with determination, a go-get-em attitude and I pour everything into it.
Con: As soon as I fudge a new habit, goal or skill – say I miss a day, or eat something ‘I’m not supposed to’ that’s it. If I can’t get the perfect run what’s the point? At best, I’ll try again on Monday, at worst I will forget I wanted to do that thing.
Pro: I love planning for the next month/quarter and it brings me so much joy
Con: I tend to overbook myself, wildly underestimate how long a task will take, and don’t allow time for flexibility, which all tends toward things going awry, life getting in the way and a frustrated me who can now see the domino effect of failure toppling into the future, which means I lose hope and motivation.
You get the point. If left unobserved my brain leans towards perfectionism. It is a weakness of mine and I don’t mean that in a job interview kind of way where you label yourself a perfectionist in a thinly veiled play to show just how awesome you are. I mean it is a genuine weakness, not just in me but in everyone who thinks of themselves as one.

You see perfection is the enemy of done. And goals aren’t supposed to get perfect, they are supposed to get done. ‘I’m a Perfectionist,’ is a pretty way of saying, ‘I’m Scared.’ It’s a flowery form of fear. Nothing will ever be perfect and if it’s never perfect then it’s never done and if it’s never done then you never have to show people. Never be seen or judged. It’s safe but it’s small and I’m done playing small.

So while I was sitting down this year thinking about what I would like to have achieved in twelve months I thought about this, because I don’t want to have the same goals next year, I don’t want to have made no progress because I’m scared. And that’s why LEARN is my word of the year.

It opens me up to mistakes, it allows for life, it says you are learning and you can never be perfect while you are learning because you don’t know the things. So far this week (at the time of writing) I have had two days in which things have very much not gone to plan and instead of feeling despair, I’ve felt OK. I’ve carried on and while I may not have gotten all the things done, I got things done. I didn’t dissolve, I kept going and achieved more than I could have if I was using perfect as my yardstick.

Now it is early days and I can’t see into the future but it feels so refreshing to have fucked up and not even reached for the Tipex.

Now it’s your turn, do you have a word of the year? I’d love to read about it in the comments and we can share this journey with you.

Until next time remember,

Perfection is not attainable.

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Mr Sandman, Bring Me a Dream…

Thursday 20^th January

I slept like a baby last night. And by that I mean I was awake until way past the time I should have been, woke up every hour and, was unreasonably hungry at 4 am.

Since I last wrote, I have not had a day go ‘to the plan’ and today was no exception. I’m still good with it, I’m still being kind to myself. Through this, I have managed to get things done, whereas previously I would have written the days off one by one if I thought I couldn’t achieve everything I had set myself. So far this week I have made progress on my debut novel, now in its fifth draft and close to its sixth, I have planned out a couple of YouTube videos that I plan on filming this week, written these posts, done my behind the scenes admin stuff, video editing, worked on my Activated Authors responsibilities, done one of my three yoga sessions, kept up with my skincare routine, guitar lessons and of course worked my butt off in my momma bear duties.

Like I say, things have fallen through the cracks, the biggest victim so far being morning and evening routines and while I must admit though I’m feeling a wee bit frayed today, I am proud of myself for keeping it together, for picking it up when I could and not flogging myself for circumstances I couldn’t control.

All that being said, I am praying to anyone who will listen for a full night’s sleep tonight because I’m tired.

I’m exhausted actually.

The past week or so has been emotionally difficult due to some family issues and that has had a knock-on effect on both Miles’ and my sleep. Unfortunately, the kid takes after me for sleep. Meaning he can be awake way into the small hours if he’s poorly, upset, or has a lot on his mind. Last night he had all three and he crept into my bed for comfort and a conversation that would leave Oprah breathless.

So right now my wish is that tonight I have time to go through my evening routine after my medium man is settled in his bed and sleeping and that I may in turn slip into a deep, restful sleep.

After all, stranger things have happened.

Right?!

Until next time,

I hope the sandman blesses you with slumber.

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Highway to the Beta Zone

Tuesday 18^th January 2022

Happy New Year!

What’s that? Yes, yes I am aware that is indeed not the first of January and we are marching in the middle of the month but as it turns out, the universe had conspired to prevent me from wishing you the compliments of the season before now (I may or may not be currently listening to the complete collection of Sherlock Holmes, so if I’m slightly more Victorian in tone, that is for why)

After Nano came Christmas and during Christmas came covid and after Covid came discombobulation at the fact I hadn’t really experienced Christmas. So I’ve been getting my head into the right place to come back.

Right, well now we are all caught up…

Today has been an interesting one, not so much in the sense that anything of particular merit or intrigue has laid its shadow at my door but more in the case that life happened. You know what I mean? Those days were despite your best efforts and well laid out plan you can’t seem to catch a foothold because things keep happening. Little things, like for example your body demanding more sleep than you had planned and thus making you sleep through your (quite frankly obnoxious) alarm for two hours, missing the precise allotted window for your new morning routine on the second day you had decided to implement it. Or having to take an extremely important phone call that could not wait as you sit down to begin creating for the day. Or needing to grab some unexpected things for dinner because they hadn’t arrived in the shopping delivery (apparently ordering them in the first place is required, according to ‘The Man’ aka Sainsbury’s) All this to say, life happened today.

Normally when such things have happened in the past, it would derail my day and I would find my mental health snagged. But this year I have decided my word of the year is LEARN. This has had the happy side effect of making space for me to fuck up and that really showed up for me in a big way today. So, instead of getting myself into a tizz, I felt ok with it all, I am in beta, and part of that means pattern spotting, bug reporting (to myself), and above all permission to get it wrong as many times as it takes to get it right.

For someone like me, who *and I cannot clarify this enough* despises change, more precisely sudden expected change, the fact that I could pretty much take this in my stride is huge. As is the fact it hasn’t made me feel the need to start everything over or call this day a write-off. Rather I have done what I can and been kind to myself, something which I do not find easy.

So today, while not going to the plan has in fact proven that I am capable of a pivot when life invariably happens, which is pretty freaking awesome if you ask me.

Until next time,

be kind to yourself.

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I’m on the YouTubes

So this year I had decided I wanted to start creating video content for YouTube but couldn’t quite figure out what to start with or how to start. After much deliberation (for deliberation, please read overthinking to a commical extent) I realised something; NO ONE CARES.

I don’t mean this in a self-deprecating way just simply, I don’t have an audience yet and so whatever I put out, no ones waiting for it, no one is expecting anything and that was very freeing.

So, I put all my poems up, that felt very risk free almost because they were already on my Instagram and website and then I made the decision to launch with Nano. To be more precise, with me vlogging my experience of NaNo, so that’s exactly what I did. The first video went up today and you can watch it below, I hope you enjoy!

Until next time,

I hope you have better luck than me with the words and the numbers!

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How Can I Create with Debilitating Mental Illness?

It’s a big question, it’s a question I found myself typing into google (because if google doesn’t know who does?) about 5/6 years ago in a really dark place of total and utter despair and I mean, end of the line darkness.

I had been working on being an actor and performing since I was 11 and now I was 29 and my mental illness, specifically my anxiety had finally wormed it’s way into even that. I had up until this point found solace and hope in the fact that my performing was special somehow and it was a place that couldn’t be touched, this had been proven wrong and all I could see in front of me was the same day on repeat until my days ran out.

You see, for me there is no greater joy than creating, whether that be through performance, craft, art, play etc and so on that day I felt very dark. Google kindly spat out some results, a mixed bag of course but it showed me a video by Jenna Moreci. THIS VIDEO.

This video saved my life. Yup, Jenna dressed up as a cowgirl complete with hobbyhorse pulled me off the ledge and the reason is two fold. Firstly it’s a funny, straight up video that offers actual help from someone who, herself suffers from mental illness. And secondly, I realised SHE SUFFERS WITH MENTAL ILLNESS, here is a bad-ass, hilarious, woman, best selling author and very successful YouTuber AND she suffers with mental illness. It made it clear to me in that moment that it could be done, I just needed to find out my path.

Then a few years later I was reading Liz Gilert’s, ‘Big Magic’ which is all about the creative process and she spoke about how creating for creatings sake is so important and also about how this romantic notion of the tortured artist is not helpful to the artist

I’m trying to dismantle a stereotype that in order to live any kind of creative life, you have to be in torment and suffering. We’re addicted to this idea because it makes for good bio pics…but I actually think it’s better to live a life where you’re constantly exploring your curiosity and creativity.
Elizabeth Gilbert, ‘Big Magic’

Those two things, consumed years apart galvanised in my brain – that maybe, just maybe, I could change my fate, no create my fate. There was proof in front of me that it could be done, two incredible women who have their own battles with mental illness and yet they were doing what they loved and I decided that I could too. Moreci re-taught me the importance of laughter, honesty and self compassion and Gilbert showed me I’m not creative because of my mental illness, I’m creative despite it.

So, I started out consuming – every video Jenna Moreci had made, reading all the Liz Gilbert I could and through that I found other giants, Marie Forleo, Glennon Doyle, Tarana Burke, Dr Yaba Blay, Brene Brown, Jameela Jamil and Dr. Tererai Trent to mention a few and my resolve, my belief, my creativity grew stronger. I would draw and sing, dance and bullet journal and then last year I fell into the writing community through Daniel Willcocks’ Bootcamp (found because of Jenna Moreci) and I have not looked back since.

When I say, ‘I’ve not looked back’ I don’t mean my mental health just recovered, like – ‘Snap! all better.’ No on the contrary my mental health is just as present today as it was back on the dark day but the difference is I understand in my bones now that I get to build my own life, around my own needs and that is a beautiful and empowering thing.

I will continue to take the time when I need it but I won’t stop because I love creating and my community and that is worth everything. So, on this World Mental Health Day I hope that if you needed something to say to you, yes you can create INSPITE of your illness, that this was helpful to you and hey, stick around because I’m only just getting started and I want to prove that the path might look different for us but the path is there.

Until next time, be kind to yourself – you deserve it.

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When Winter Comes: A Review

One of the things I wanted to when I started this blog, was book reviews, it has taken me some time to get around to it because… well, I’m me and as I have clearly stated I’m a warming trash can fire on tepid evening.

The first book I offer up is the deliciously dark, ‘When Winter Comes: A Collected Serial’ by Daniel Willcocks. This was originally released back in 2020 as a series of six episodes which he has now collected, re-edited and revised.

The premise of the book is this, a town called Dendridge in Alaska is hit with an insane blizzard as the northern lights turn crimson, the storm ushers in many dangers to the inhabitants of the small tow and snow, is the least of their concerns…

I’m not sure how Willcocks has managed it but the collected edition is even better than the sum of its parts…

I was once again instantly hooked with this story, the prose is so beautiful which only serves to further highlight the tension masterfully woven throughout. It’s fast paced, character driven, breath takingly gripping and always leaves you wanting to know more. There were so many moments where Willcocks’ action had me wanting to hide behind a cushion but considering I needed my eyes to read, I had to refrain. The characters are so well fleshed out it’s impossible not to feel yourself in their situation, imagine the blizzard (which is written so incredibly, it feels like a character in its own right) wrapping around you and the screams getting closer. I couldn’t help but put myself in each character’s nightmarish situation.

‘When Winter Comes’ is unyielding in its suspense, pace, questions, action and horror. Packed with the most beautiful, real dialogue, terrifying and breath snatching scenes and gorgeous description with brief moments of perfectly placed brevity that only serve to further underline the isolation and desperate situation of the people of Dendridge. I couldn’t help but feel a great unease stalking through this story alongside me.

‘When Winter Comes’ is available now.

Everything about this revision is done right, so faithful to the original series and story but tighter, faster and even more terrifying – once again I cannot recommend ‘When Winter Comes’ enough and I will watch with hawk eyes for the next work by this incredible author.

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Until next time, stay warm, stay safe and watch out for the storm…

This post is NOT sponsored and there are no affiliate links, I’m sharing a book I have purchased and read, all opinions are my own.

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Mental Health Judgements and Stigma’s that I have experienced –

Part 1 “You Talk Too Much”

A few years back my mental health was in an OK spot but I could feel that it was declining and so I decided to go to my GP, I was at the time un-medicated – still having the idea in my head that medication for mental illnesses was weakness, a notion I have gratefully gotten over in recent years and now consider it a point of pride to be on medication.

A point of pride for three reasons:
1. It means that I value myself and I care enough about my life and those I care about to be on medication for my illness, something that could not be said five years ago.
2. I realised my mindset on medication was flawed, either all medication I take is bad and should come with shame or none is and having never felt embarrassed after taking penicillin, I decided that I would no longer indulge the shame over my ‘Hed Meds’
3. It bothers people and that amuses me because if you are the type of person that gets offended by someone’s pride over self-care, well – I’m not for you (besides if you wish to be offended, I can point you in the direction of some stuff that will blow your mind)

Anyway, back to past Sam at the GP’s. I’m fortunate enough to have a wonderful Dr who listens and cares. A privilege I am aware most don’t and it is not lost n me having spent most of my years with GP’s who couldn’t get me out the door quick enough. We spoke and she decided that the medication I needed was beyond her purview so she referred be back to my local community mental health team. I was adamant at the time that I didn’t need therapy, just the meds to help stabilise my rapid mood cycles, anxiety and depression (I had yet to learn I also had CPTSD) As I say, I am much further on my journey now and not only am I proud to take meds but I also understand, with chronic mental illnesses, taking meds without dealing with the route cause is like sewing up a bad wound, it will stop bleeding externally but your still bleeding and it will cause serious damage.

The day of my assessment, I was ushered into a room by someone whom was supposed to be mental health professional, I mean she was a mental health professional if we go off of job title but her manner was anything but compassionate and understanding – a bare minimum requirement if your job requires you to speak to people who could be suicidal. She asked me to tell her why I was there, a question I loathe, because it makes it sound immediately like no prior work has gone in. Is glancing at someone’s notes really so hard? I completely understand that they desire to hear about the situation from you but a simple rephrase of, ‘I see from your notes you are here because x,y,z could you tell me a little more about that?’ would make a whole lot of difference. I tried to explain and she cut me off, telling me I was wrong and that a group education program like ‘Coping Skills’ would be more beneficial. I explained to her again this was not what I needed right now and then went it the reasons I believed at the time I did not need this. Once I had finished, she told me that I talk too much and I would never get a man that way because men can’t handle it.

I was genuinely stunned by the complete ignorance and sweeping sexism, the only other time I have been so shocked by a medical professional was when the nurse taking my smear test told me it only hurt because I wasn’t relaxing and then she proceeded to tell me, a rape victim, to lie back and think of England while she hurt me so badly my abdomen swelled to make me look six months pregnant.

I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH HOW NOT PREGNANT I AM IN THIS PICTURE.

So, I was stunned and completely dissociated in the meeting, which turned into her telling me all the reasons I was wrong and would be single a long time if I didn’t ‘fix’ myself. At one point I laughed when she asked if I was married and she fixed me with a death stare and asked why I laughed, I tried to explain but she once again spoke over me. This experience culminated in me being prescribed a medication for EID, after being told there was no medication for EID and when I questioned this, I was told ‘maybe it will work’ I never filled that prescription.

I am happy to report that woman no longer works for the Community Mental Health Team, she never should have but it’s the next best thing.

The reason I’m writing this series is not to scare people away from seeking help, it’s because I know I am not unique, the mental health services are woefully underfunded and everyone I’ve spoken to has a story similar to this. So I’m sharing mine because I want you to know IT ISN’T YOU. The first time I had a bad experience, I thought I must be so beyond hope and help and I had somehow done something wrong and that’s why I was being treated so poorly. But I was wrong.

IT’S NOT US, IT’S THEM.

I am happy to report that woman no longer works for the Community Mental Health Team, she never should have but it’s the next best thing.

If you want to share a similar experience in the comments, I would be honored to read them.

Until next remember, you matter.

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Mastress of None

Hey,

I’m Samantha, but all my friends call me “Sam.”

All my friends?

Jesus, that makes me sound so up my own arse, like I have a plethora of pals, a smorgasbord of sidekicks, ready for me to turn up and be the life and soul of the party. The idea of me turning up to a party is laughable and that’s before the world went all 28 Delays Later.

No, I have a handful of hombres – my god that sounds so try hard.

Let me start again.

Hey,

I’m Sam. I know people.

Oh, good God no.

Hi?

Hello?

Sup? Absolutely not. Fuck me, why can I not start a simple God damn sentence?

To whom it may concern,

My name is Sam. I have friends, honestly, I know people. My name is also Samantha and I have a child. I also have a dog and I do the writing and the talking and sometimes I speak aloud the writing I’ve done. Poems. They are called poems.

What am I trying to achieve?

Wow, what a question. I mean, what does anybody want to achieve in their lives really? What are any of us looking for? Love, a home, someone to accept me completely for who I am, even if my second toe is longer than my big toe – it’s a sign of intelligence, Mum. God, you don’t have to keep pointing it out, you’ll give me a complex.

Oh, what am I trying to achieve by writing this?

Yeah, that makes more sense.

I was advised to write an introduction post, kind of a ‘get to know’ kind of thing so people could get a taste of who I am. Not like a taste, you know with their tongues – eww gross, why would I even think that? I don’t want strangers licking me… well, depending on the stranger….

Sorry, tangent.

Hi, I’m Sam. I have no clue what I’m doing and I effortlessly make it look like exactly that. Which is why I so brilliantly and completely originally (it was all my idea) thought up the name, Mastress of None – fits, no?

So, welcome to my internet home place, where I can show you digital thingies on your palm pilots and Blackberries. I know tech.

I’m very excited to have you here!

Also, anxious, but my therapist tells me that excitement and anxiety are the same chemicals, we just label them differently due to context and if that is in fact true and she wasn’t just humouring me to get me out of her office, then I am SO excited, all the excited, so much so that I may have a full-blown excitement attack.

So, here we are, and I do hope you enjoy your stay.

Enjoy your stay?

Really, Sam?!

Depression is a Liar

As I was doom scrolling on IG recently I came across a post that the incredible Viola Davis had shared all about depression and how we can self-gaslight when depression hits and my god I needed that because I’m certainly going through a period of depression at the minute and sometimes you need that outside eye (Or Oscar winning, all round bad-ass Viola Davis’ IG account) to remind you what you already knew; namely that depression is a liar

So in today’s post I am going to focus on why depression is a liar and how you can help yourself or a loved one when they are going through it.

Depression is serious and very real, it takes any colour out of the world and you feel like there is no point in getting up to exist until bedtime and then repeat, forever. It will whisper to you that it will always be like this, it will rob you of joy and connection and all the while a voice will grow telling you to give up. That voice is not your intuition,. that voice is depression in a fancy coat. It is a fucking liar. Things can get better, colour will return, you will feel again. It is a fight but I have proven to myself time and time again it is one worth having and at this point I feel like a fucking heavy weight.

These are things I do or have done that have helped me. Now, don’t get me wrong none of these are magic bullets, not everyone will work for you, you won’t be cured and depression won’t be vanquished from your life forever BUT they may help to ease it, like a pain killer. It takes the edge of and so things become more bearable.

Now for the disclaimer:

⚠️ I am not a doctor, nor a medical health specialist. This is a list of things that have worked for me and I share them in the hope some of them may be helpful to you. They are not to be taken as expert advice or replace a medical opinion. In the first instance, seeking help from a doctor or mental health practitioner is always advised and if you don’t have access currently Mind are a great mental health charity that can advise you.

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Talk it out

Often when I’m in throws of depression the last thing I want to do is talk about it and thats because Depression’s best mate Shame has joined the party and together they fuck me up. But as the incredible Dr Brene Brown says:

“We desperately don’t want to experience shame, and we’re not willing to talk about it. Yet the only way to resolve shame is to talk about it.” – Dr Brene Brown

Just the act of listing out the things we feel and to a trusted person, whether that’s a partner, family, friend or a crisis line has an affect on our emotional state. Firstly shame dies because its no longer a secret, you have spoken on it, reached out and proven that you are not shameful, you are unwell and that is perfectly normal and acceptable

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Write it Out

Not all of us are fortunate enough to have someone we trust and if we can’t access a crisis helpline then the next best thing is to write it out. Now I’m not talking about trying to write a memoir here, I simply mean put a pen to paper and write – even if you don’t know what to write, you ca write that over and over until your brain starts to spill onto the page. You can keep going until its out or you could set a timer if you need more structure.

“I can shake off everything as I write; my sorrows disappear, my courage is reborn.” – Anne Frank

I find when I write stream of conscious like this that afterwards I feel drained and often a little lighter emotionally,. which means it worked and I stand a better chance of sleeping. Another way to do this if you are worried about judging yourself or others reading it is to simply write the first sentence and then write over and over again until you are done,. you will never be able to read it back and neither will anyone else.

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Old TV show and Something

I don’t know about you but when I’m feeling low, I find concentrating on one thing difficult and nigh on impossible if that something is new. So, I will often put on a ‘comfort’ show (by ‘comfort’ I am not referring to the content but the familiarity, for example most of mine are crime shows – Elementary, Castle, Scorpian etc the point is it involves no effort from your brain) and pair it with an activity that doesn’t require a lot of thought (I usually work in silence) for me that’s cross stitch, painting or drawing.

“The only key to fight depression is distraction” – Selfish Pysch

This serves me in a few ways I have more than one thing to focus on to help distract me when demons come calling – and they always come calling, I’m not trying to force myself to do something new and stressful and lastly it’s a way for me to healthily decompress and let my subconscious process.

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Crying Yourself Out

Generally depression leaves me numb but on the occasions it all feels too much, I just need to get into bed and cry. I’m talking ugly, snotty, shrieking, lung wracking sobs. The type of weeping that leaves you looking like you’ve been stung by bee’s and drains you completely.

“There is an ancient tribal proverb I once heard in India. It says that before we can see properly we must first shed our tears to clear the way.” ― Libba Bray, The Sweet Far Thing

A therapist once told me that intense emotion can’t last because physically the body can’t maintain it, so I speed it up by allowing myself to sit in it and ball it out. The upside to this is I am often left so drained I fall asleep, which is always better than conversing with demons

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Change Locations

Ok, bare with me on this because on the surface it sounds like a Karen asking if you have tried having a glass of water and breathing. So, this is another therapist learnt thing. Good news it’s simple, bad news it involves moving.

It is simply this: change your perspective by moving location. This could be if you are in bed move to the sofa, if you are standing sit down, if you are in the living room move to the bathroom etc it just means change your literal perspective i.e what you can see. I’ve been known to lay under my table, get into my wardrobe or hang upside down.

“Sometimes a change of perspective, is all it takes to see the light” – Dan Brown

The science is basic, you change what you are looking at or the angle and your brain re-focuses on it’s surroundings, it notices them. It’s like a little slap to your neurons and while they figure what the fuck is going on, your brain gives you a break. The best example I can think of is,. you know that thing when you are on a swing and you lean back while in motion and tilt your head and you suddenly see the world in an entirely new, tummy flipping way? You are still on the same swing, you are still in the same place but your experience is new because of the way you are seeing it.

The success rate of this for me is around 60%, I find it just takes the edge off what I’m feeling/the numbness and makes it easier to bare.

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Music and Dancing

When under the soul crushing endless nothingness that depression so kindly comes to bare on my life one of the healthy ways I’ve learnt to reach for feeling is to put on my headphones and blast music,. then I dance – well I move, I’m not sure what I do in those times can be considered dance by even the most post modern interpretative dancer. I’ll often sing my lungs out too.

“If you just set people in motion, they’ll heal themselves” – Gabrielle Roth

This works for me for a few reason,. firstly I’m literally shutting my senses off to anything that isn’t that music. I can’t hear the outside world because the headphones and volume, I can’t hear the inner voice because of the volume and the fact I’m singing at the top of my voice, I don’t feel anything other than the music and the air over my skin, I’ll often shut my eyes to block out any judgement’s I might feel at moving the way I do and I cannot taste anything other than the air in and the sound out. The type of music I tend to play is either angry or motivational in some way to me personally because those emotions are the simplest ones for me to reach for in my depression. The music you choose is a personal decision and I have a couple of ready made playlists, so I don’t have to think about it when I’m ill.

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Hitting Soft Objects & Tearing Shit Up

Another way I treat my numbness and the demons that come with the seemingly endless march of gray is to hit soft things or destroy things. Now I stress soft things because the point here is to avoid self injury, not replace it with another method. I am fortunate to have a punching bag but before I did I would beat up pillows or my mattress,. it is exhausting. That is the point. It gets out any emotions that we are currently numb too and it drains us of energy, thus getting past the peak of crisis or intensity. I like to visualise my depression and then beat the crap out of it, yeah it’s a little ‘woo woo’ but I do not give a fuck, it works and it keeps me here. I would suspend sage from my nipples and stuff my vagina with crystal eggs if it kept me breathing.

Another form of this is to destroy things, just to be clear I mean ripping paper or card, tearing old fabric or if you have the means finding a location that has ‘Demolition Therapy’ I don’t mean taking a hammer to your TV or car. It works in much the same way as hitting soft objects and can get you past the danger point and let you reach trauma you don’t understand and unleash it in a healthy way.

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Creative Energy

I won’t go into too much detail here as I have a blog post about it and I also speak about this on a recent interview I did on the Activated Authors podcast.

But what I will say is this, you don’t need to be an ‘artist’ to benefit from this,. hell you don’t have to think of yourself as creative. It isn’t about making something to frame or having a skill to convey the intellectual understanding about what you are feeling.

“Art is not always about pretty things. It’s about who we are, what happened to us, and how our lives are affected.” – Elizabeth Broun

Just pick up some paint if you have it and throw it on a canvas,. or paper or old sheet,. repeat with a couple different ones and then get your hands dirty. Or grab a pen and pad and scribble, draw lines, hell colour the whole page in black biro – whatever it doesn’t matter. The end result is irrelevant its the doing that matters and brings catharsis.

A side note with a lot of these tips is the ones they are physical and with that activity comes the release of endorphins, I left this out as a conscious choice because too often we hear, ‘Go for a walk’ and yeah I’m not going to argue with the science. Exercise = endorphins = feeling better, but if it was as easy as that we would all just be merrily skipping around. When I’m deep in depression being told to go for a walk is like a mentally well person being told, ‘walk up the hill’ after they have been dumped at the base of Everest with no equipment or training.

I truly hope that you find this useful and please remember no matter what the demons say, no matter how many times depression tries to manipulate you – YOU MATTER, THINGS CAN CHANGE.

Until next time,

focus on the next breath

Update A.K.A Where I’ve Been

I have found creating any kind of content very difficult this year and there are two main reasons for this; firstly I use my life in my art, however that presents itself whether in poem or paint, prose or a post and the truth is much of what has been happening this year involves other people. And I do not hold with telling others stories without consent, especially when there is no real ‘right of response’ for that person. And I cannot say what is happening with out including specifics and I don’t think that is right, I choose to share my life, other people have a right not too. Secondly, it has been and remains to be heavy, much and a lot. It is still very much ongoing and currently I cannot see an end point, its a general rule of mine that I create (for public consumption) from scars not wounds and I am currently still bleeding out.

That being said, I miss having these outlets that I can share things and so I have made the decision to not put my life on hold while it is a smoldering wreck of its past self. I can still create from old scars and when this season ends and I have healed and processed, I can create from those scars too. As I said to a friend of mine, who recently said she missed my angry poems on Instagram –

‘When it comes to my poetry, I’m either writing about hell, or going through hell; I’m currently going through hell. Trust me when I say, poems will be coming.’

So what are some of the ways I have been keeping sane through all of this?

Like I say, I still create when I am in extreme emotion but it generally takes on an abstract form as I haven’t processed yet. And I am a person that really needs to sit with something and pick it apart and understand how I feel but more importantly why I feel that way. So the artistic expressions during these periods of my life tend to be without form and a reflection of a very raw emotional state, like this piece which when I started I thought I felt ‘fine’ but turns out not so much…

**This piece started off as just colour but then the black felt right, ‘The Muting of Colour’ helped me see I was depressed.**

It is a highly therapeutic practice for me and I find it to be a purging of that emotion or thought spiral. I start,. pregnant with emotion and after I finish the piece, I am sweaty, euphoric, sore and I have an art baby. If you are going through something overwhelming whatever that looks like for you, I really recommend getting some paint and a canvas (both relatively cheap, you can pick up a canvas, set of paints and brushes for less than £15 in the UK) You don’t have to be a painter or consider yourself an artist, just go outside or lay some paper down and go for it. I t doesn’t matter what it looks like,. its not about that. It is simply about expressing yourself,. you don’t even need brushes – I will often use my hands for these works and if you can’t afford a canvas, get an old bed sheet, hell you can even use dregs of wall paint, food colouring, nail polish. The point is to get into it and loose yourself to the process and not care about the end product. It’s not supposed to be pretty. Fuck pretty. It will be messy and chaotic, just like life and their will be a beauty in that.

Visual Diary’s are also a great way of recording where you are at, head space wise on any given day when you don’t have the words too. I was gifted a large blank notebook at Christmas by a good friend for this very purpose and it has really helped not just for the reason’s above but also because sometimes when I’m in intense emotion I feel the paranoia of someone finding a written diary and being held accountable for my private thoughts.

**Some examples from my visual diary, I don’t know what they are either.**

It doesn’t need to be a special type of journal, anything will do – if you are wanting to use paint, thicker pages are best but really, who cares?

It’s about getting the pain on the page and out of you, so it doesn’t matter how or what that looks like, just that it’s out.

Of course sometimes you just need to scream, cry and hit things (safe things) and that is absolutely valid and important, its not to say you can’t do that while creating – I smacked the crap out of the canvas when I created this piece…

**My friend described this painting as ‘Wrath’**

Again, I thought I was sad when I started painting, turns out I was pissed off beyond the telling but by the time I downed tools, not only did I have a better idea of where my head was at, I felt calmer and processing felt easier because I knew where to start.

So the next time it all feels too much, have a think about using art as a way to get out whatever it is you are feeling, or think you are feeling – you might just surprise yourself

Have you ever tried art therapy?

I’d love to hear about your experiences or any different techniques you used in the comments.

Until next time,

Go get your hands messy.